Chris Parker

Chris Parker

Longform/Music/Sports Journalist

Former Cleveland Cavaliers beat reporter for Cleveland Scene, write news/policy cover stories & music features at magazines and alt-weeklies nationwide.

  • 3.3K
    stories
  • 2.3M
    words
Lebron tears article
Scenemagazine

King James Does As Promised, Ends Curse and Warriors with Championship Win

Mayhem broke loose last night at Oracle Arena in Oakland. To Golden State fans it was as though a perfect storm materialized directly above, out of stylishly thin, California Cool air. The storm had been brewing for weeks, of course, but their myopia prevented them from seeing it coming.

Dressed in Hawaiian shirts and sporting noisemakers, they stepped aboard the Titanic, Warriors comforted in their choice of such a grand, seagoing vessel, that could never in a million years sink. Why, in the entire history of the NBA nothing like it had happened.

Lbj smiles article
Scenemagazine

Cavs Grasp Last Chance For Immortality

The pall has hung over Cleveland more than half a century congealing into an identity. Now frustration and heartache is who we are. Though the times of sand can shift in a moment, Northeast Ohio’s been waiting at the end of the line an awfully long time. But we don’t need to tell you that.

On the brink of long-promised salvation, we want to tip our hat to the journey. All those years of hurry-up-and-wait with their imprimatur of pain and unbending agony have yielded their first true chance of cessation since Jose Mesa. The best thing, it’s said, about banging your head on the wall is the sweet relief once you stop.

Screen shot 2016 06 17 at 11.29.05 am article
Scenemagazine

Cavaliers Seize Momentum, Shove It Down Warriors Throats

History may be written by the victors, but time makes its edits, especially when the lines were perhaps too hastily composed. The Cavaliers have turned what many perceived as a rout into an obstacle course Golden State’s having trouble completing, sending the Warriors to their third double-digit defeat in four games last night, 115-101.

Here’s the thing – 73 wins are nice and everything, but Veni, Vidi without the Vici is just tourism. After failed two elimination games, the Warriors look shakier Bill Cosby’s defense. Golden State’s legendary composure is cracking worse than the latest losing combatant to a hydraulic press. Maybe they underestimated the intensity of LeBron’s will?

Stoic killer lbj article
Scenemagazine

Warriors Poke James & Cavs, Discover Meaning of Hubris

Coronations are never easy. But after last year’s NBA Championship, a 73-win season and more preening than you’d see in the typical episode for My Super Sweet 16, many analysts and Warrior-acolytes (when not one in the same) perceived the NBA Finals as an afterthought. After the two games in Golden State, the thought of the series even going five games seemed implausible to them.

Kylue article
Scenemagazine

Cavs Bring Warriors and Their Admirers Crashing to Earth

There was an urgent knock at the palace door. Inside a thousand poets were busy penning paeans to the Warriors, while a thousand sculptors tinked out marble tchotchke figurines and a thousand ESPN employees designed new statistics to highlight how completely radical, totally awesome and utterly boss the Warriors are.

Love cover shot article
Scenemagazine

Cavs Discover Love is All You Need to Beat the Pacers

If you haven’t read the reports, Kevin Love credited his Sunday’s second half breakout of the Cavaliers 101-97 victory over the Pacers to a talk with LeBron James. That conversation’s been spun in a variety of ways from scolding to pep talk, but the important thing, as more than one scribe’s pointed out, is that they’re communicating.

Kyrie shot article
Scenemagazine

Kyrie Drops 57 in Thrilling 128-125 Overtime Victory Over the Spurs

The game was one of the finest you’re likely to see during the regular season, akin to one of those classic Sugar Ray Leonard-Roberto Duran fights. There were relentless offensive flurries and hard-nosed defensive bursts in the first and second halves (respectively). But the constant throughout was the mano-a-mano between James/Irving and the Spurs’ old/young stars Tony Parker and Kawhi Leonard.

Ky n lebron article
Scenemagazine

Cavaliers Fall To Celtics In A Cry For Help

LeBron. Kyrie. Kevin. The rest of you fellas. We brought you here because we care. We want to see you succeed. Yet time after time we see you repeat the same mistakes, offer the same lame explanations, then self-sabotage again. It pains us to see you spiral backwards on the underside of a boulder like a cartoon Sisyphus.

We don’t want to meet your gaze when you say it doesn’t matter how many passes are made before a shot, despite evidence to the contrary. We try not to snicker when you call out your teammates for not playing defense, throwing rocks from within your glass house.

How can we not be disappointed when we see your potential, then witness inattentive failures like last night’s 104-103 home loss to the Boston Celtics.

Screen shot 2015 03 26 at 10.35.04 am article
Scenemagazine

Cavs Embarrass the Memphis Grizzlies in Almost Perfect Performance

What goes around comes around is about as basic as the golden rule, and it’s particularly true of the game of basketball. You can often hear LeBron James talk about playing the game the right way which he speaks of in the same tone as a mystic might divine living. Last night the Cavaliers passed so close to basketball nirvana you could almost hear the Om.

Unnamed article
Scenemagazine

Feeling Wired: Cavaliers Have Chance to Put Warriors Way Down in a Hole

Somewhere in the middle of the fourth quarter of Tuesday night's game you could hear Garven Dreis muttering to himself like a Cleveland sports fan: “Almost there, almost there.” The sadness of his heroic run at the Death Star’s exhaust port – culminating with Darth Vader gunning him down – is that he never got to see the victory.

Screen shot 2015 05 26 at 8.36.15 am article
Scenemagazine

We're With Him: LeBron Leads the Way to the West Coast and the Promised Crown

The poeticism of LeBron James goes well beyond his preternatural balance of grace and force. His play’s a physical representation of Schopenhauer’s “Will and the Idea,” a conception of reality as but a perception upon which an indomitable will strives to stamp its imprint.

The race’s very survival is based on this instinctual mix of dissatisfaction and ambition, as though the world were ours to bend. Indeed maybe it is, though few alive possess the ability to rend time and space into awe-inspiring origami like James’ performance last night.

Unnamed article
Scenemagazine

Media Lining Up Pallbearers, But Cavaliers Aren't Dead Yet

Welcome from the Bay where after a thrilling overtime game the NBA Finals was decided by X-ray. Though the diagnostician never made it onto camera, the postmortems were written before the shutter could blink: “Kyrie Irving out for months with injury; the Cavs may not win another game.” If disrespect were a mason jar, the Cavaliers would already be pickled and on the shelf.

600x255 cover 0603 article
Scenemagazine

LeBron James Tries To Make Akron Schools WInners

Gabrielle Briggins tries to hold back tears, to no avail. Minutes earlier, her daughter Shavelle received a Samsung Galaxy tablet as a door prize from the LeBron James Family Foundation (LJFF) at one of its monthly Hometown Meetings, which rotate among schools.

Nita article
Scenemagazine

Great Black Hope

You'd think Democrats would have more luck running for statewide office in Ohio. Instead, it's as though their campaigns have been game planned by the Washington Generals for the last quarter century. State Democrats' electoral troubles are truly biblical – as in Matthew 22:14: many are called but few chosen.

Feature sidetracks article
Scenemagazine

Old Soul Never Dies: A Quirky, Historical Cleveland Record Label Gets New Life

History is written by the victors. That's why you've heard of Motown or Stax Records and not Cleveland's own soul upstart, Way Out Records. Housed in a storefront on East 55th St. between Euclid and Chester, the label grew out of an odd-couple partnership between a hustler and a cop.